When Making Big Decisions as a Couple, Agree to Agree
Making Big Decisions
Making big decisions as a couple in ministry is risky. Precarious. Scary.
Recently, my wife and I stepped away from a church we started in our home. Although the church did not experience huge growth while we were there, many lives were changed. We were able to purchase property from another church, bringing a sense of stability and future longevity to the ministry. After 10 years of arduous work and sacrificial service, we sensed that the church would do better with new leadership.
Without having another position, we stepped away from the ministry and handed the reins of leadership over to a new pastor. It was a BIG decision with potentially huge and negative ramifications for our family—with our loss of income being the most sobering reality.
Decisions Encourage Our Faith
Although the decision is still too recent to say with absolute certainty, God has seemingly blessed and honored our decision to step away. The church is going in a better direction and reaching more people. Even our family has been encouraged to see God provide and see Him as Jehovah Jireh.
Our faith has been strengthened.
Our decisions should do just that—encourage us in the faith. They should lead to an affirmation of who God is!
Whether it is stepping away from a ministry or deciding to start a family, life is full of big decisions. It is an inevitable part of the journey that every couple will experience.
The Most Important Thing We’ve Learned
Assuming both husband and wife are pursuing intimacy with God, the most important thing we have learned in making big decisions is the idea of agreement. The Bible rhetorically ask, “Can two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3).
From past decisions, I have learned the hard way that my wife and I need to wait for God to clarify the direction He wants us to go—for both of us—before we move. Clarity will be accompanied by agreement—agreeing on the direction. Some of the most unwise decisions we have made were when one of us disagreed about the direction.
Agreement is crucial.
Through nearly 30 years of matrimony (most of it holy), my wife and I have learned that our best us happens when we give God time to bring clear direction. Please understand that “clear” direction does not mean all questions are answered or that God removes all uncertainty.
It simply means He has settled a direction in both of your hearts and minds. The affirmation of that direction will be an agreement between the two of you—you will be on the same page. You will agree on the next step. No division.
An Absence of Tension
You will be able to talk about it and not argue. There will be an absence of tension. It will not be a sore subject. It doesn’t mean you won’t be scared or apprehensive—or even be tempted to act out of that fear. But regardless of how you feel, you’ll know deep down that is the way you should go.
Take the time as a couple to come to a place of agreement. Don’t drag your spouse kicking and screaming because God “told you to”. Listen. Talk through all the concerns and fears. And most of all, pray. Seek God both for direction and peace—both individually and as a couple.
Scott Beasley came to faith in Christ in 1985. He has been married to Lisa since 1988. They have four boys and a daughter in Heaven.